


Defense

by alynwa



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26923792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alynwa/pseuds/alynwa
Summary: Illya and Napoleon have to defend their reimbursement requests.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Defense

Napoleon and Illya were sitting in chairs outside Conference room C cooling their heels waiting for their turn. The elevator door opened down the hallway revealing junior agents April Dancer and Mark Slate. As they moved into the waiting area, Mark looked at the CEA and his partner. “You, too?” he asked before he and his partner sat. At the resulting nod from the senior agents, he said, “I’m glad I ‘ung on to everything.”

The door to Accounting opened and a young man poked his head out and said, “Agent Solo? Agent Kuryakin? We’re ready for you.”

“Good luck, boys,” April said as they stood. They nodded to her and followed the man inside.

The man said, “My name is Kevin Wallace and I’ll be the one reviewing your expenses. Have a seat, please.” He extended his arm towards a pair of easy chairs while he walked around to the opposite side of the desk and sat to face them. “Let’s get started, shall we?” He pulled out a rather full folder and said, “I have your expense reports for your last five affairs. We are in need of some clarification.”

Napoleon fixed wide, innocent eyes on the CPA. “We’ll do whatever we can to help.”

“Excellent! Agent Solo, you handed in a reimbursement request for seven hundred and fifty dollars for a suit. Can you explain?”

“Absolutely. That was the ‘My Brother’s Keeper Affair.’ I was undercover as a spoiled, rich, trust fund baby and my original suit was ruined when I was pushed into the swimming pool during a party. I had to maintain my cover, so I had to replace the suit.” 

“But seven hundred and fifty dollars?”

“Did you miss the ‘I was undercover as a spoiled trust fund baby’ part? I couldn’t buy something off the rack!”

“I see.” Wallace wrote some notes on a pad that he then put facedown. “Part of your cover was that you were in a five – star hotel, correct?”

“Yes.”

“So why is there a bill submitted for two nights at a two – star hotel?”

Illya cleared his throat. “That is my request; I stayed in that hotel.”

“Agent Kuryakin, why would you do that when you were supposed to be sharing a room with your partner?”

“Agent Solo, in working toward a successful conclusion of the mission, was forced to seduce one of the women involved. I did not think either one of them wanted me to be in the room while they were having sex.” It pleased Illya that the little bean – counter had begun to blush.

“Well, that explains _one_ night. What about the second night?”

Illya looked at his partner. “That was my fault,” Napoleon said, “The lady wanted a…return engagement and I obliged her.” Wallace’s blush deepened and spread.

“And I suppose that was necessary?” Wallace asked, voice cracking.

“Pleasing her was the key to that affair’s success. That’s why we get trained in sexual practices and techniques in Survival School.” That evoked a coughing fit from the CPA. “Are you okay, Kevin?” Napoleon asked.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. Um, I think you’ve justified your expenses for that af… _mission._ Let’s move on to these expense requests. Mr. Kuryakin, you’ve submitted a reimbursement request for twenty – five dollars for underwear, socks and two pairs of slacks. Why do you think UNCLE should replace those things? Your wardrobe is you own matter!”

“Normally, it would be, but I had to replace all those items because THRUSH’s latest attempt at a truth serum caused me to have sudden onset, acute diarrhea…”

“Nevermind! I get the picture!” It now looked to both agents that Kevin’s blushing red had been replaced by a greenish tinge. “It’s approved! Can we move on to this request for reimbursement of fifty – two dollars from you, Agent Solo?”

“With all due respect, Kevin, if you couldn’t handle Agent Kuryakin’s explanation for his request, I don’t think you want to hear mine for this.”

Wallace sat back in his chair. “All right, Gentlemen, I’m going to let these requests go through as is. I want to thank you for coming, enjoy the rest of your day!” He watched at the men stood and let the office. After a few moments, he looked at the mirror on the wall. “You can come in now!” he called. Moments later, two senior accountants entered the room and burst into hysterical laughter.

“You should have seen the look on your face when Solo started talking about Section 2’s sex training!” Turnbull, his supervisor, said as he wiped tears from his eyes. “I thought you were going to explode!”

Tanner, the second man, laughed even harder. “I thought you were going to toss your cookies when Kuryakin began to explain about the diarrhea!”

Kevin watched as his superiors cracked themselves up at his expense. “What was the purpose of this, anyway?”

“New jacks to the Accounting Department invariably, as you did, always want to know why Section 2’s expenses are approved even though we bitch about how much they spend. Like you, there are always suggestions about how one can cut corners. We’ve found that the best way to shut up the newbies is to let them call in the Enforcement agents to explain why they’re claiming what they’re claiming. If you still think they are trying to pad their expenses, Agents Slate and Dancer are waiting outside to defend their expenses. Would you like us to call them?”

Later that evening, Napoleon, Illya, Mark and April were sipping wine in the CEA’s apartment as was their Friday night habit of late. April drained her glass and reached for the bottle. “Thanks again, guys, for whatever you did to freak out the new accountant. He came out of the office and thanked us for waiting, but said it wouldn’t be necessary to speak to us. He just rubber – stamped all our requests.”

“I told Tanner and Turnbull that next time, you are to go first,” Illya said, “I have a feeling that asking a female agent to justify expenses will bring the whole interview to a close quickly. We have a bet about it, now.”

April laughed. “I hope they get new hires soon, then.” She raised her now full glass. “To grossing out the Maiden Aunt accountants!” 


End file.
